CAREERS NOW 07-02-08

Being a Friend When Job Loss Hits

DEAR JOYCE: A friend suddenly lost his job of 18 years last week. The staff cut was a stunning blow to his pride. I'm not sure what to say to him or what to do to help. What is your recommendation? - V.W.

Chances are that many of us know someone who has lost his or her job this year. Being cut loose involuntarily - whether your fault or not - is devastating to most people. Think about it: You're not needed or wanted. You've been rejected, pushed away, kicked to the curb.

"Job loss is a disorienting experience," says Robbie Miller Kaplan, author of "How to Say It (r)When You Don't Know What to Say: The Right Words for Difficult Times," (Prentice Hall, 2004.)

"Individuals experiencing job loss grieve and mourn the loss of their job, security, routines, friendships and future," Kaplan says. "There might be anger and resentment for the lost years spent devoted to the organization and the effort exerted to climb the ladder to their current field."

When interviewing for jobs, candidates are expected to dazzle interviewers with confidence, a tough assignment for someone who's feeling like an also-ran. If you're serious about stepping up to the plate with your friendship, here are thoughts to consider.

What Not to Do. Ask stress-inducing questions: "How will you pay the rent?" "Did you find a job yet?" Don't you know that this is a particularly bad time to be unemployed?" Don't return calls. Ignore requests for assistance. Compromise your friend's confidence with a barrage of unsolicited grooming makeover suggestions. Criticize your friend's resume, unless asked to do so.

What to Do. Start by recognizing your friend's loss and express sympathy, Kaplan advises: "I know how hard you've worked and this must be really difficult for you. I'm here for you and I'll help you any way I can." Two more tips about what to do from Kaplan concern being helpful but not controlling, and promoting your friend's confidence factor:

"Allow them to feel their way through the experience and make choices in their own time and in their own way. And provide them with positive reinforcement on how good you think they are."

On the job search front, here are four practical things you can do.

-- Give a job search book as a gift.

-- Share your network to make promising connections.

-- Rehearse job interviews with a camcorder.

-- Be generous with encouraging e-mail messages and cheery lunch invitations.

Who knows? Maybe one day you'll be grateful to your friend for returning the favors.

DEAR JOYCE: After reading your column about career choice and a book that reports what people who work in a profession really think about it, I thought you might like to know about a new Web site I just discovered. Glassdoor.com is a startup that looks inside major companies where employees tell all, from their own salaries to rating their bosses by name. - H.W.T.

Thanks. I haven't previously seen anything quite like Glassdoor.com. Memberships are free. The site operates like a digital B.Y.O.D (bring your own data) party. Glassdoor participants are invited to blab - anonymously - letting it all hang out about their salaries, their bosses, their company's prowess and more. You have to tell everything you know before you can read everything everyone else knows.

Launched in June, creators of this group hug which tells the world what it's really like to work for specific companies report that in less than one month, their numbers are already up like a Moon shot: 49,500 reviews and/or salary reports, 11,000 companies reviewed, 41,500 users and 2,800 cities (global). Quality control to maintain authenticity will be the site's challenge but if the site's management can pull it off over the long term, wow!

DEAR WORKING MOMS: In March, I mentioned a new financial window to study at home at the times you choose with help from a new $2 million fund in full-ride scholarships to working mothers across the country at Project Working Mom. The project is sponsored by eLearners.com, a Web resource of Education Dynamics.

More than 50,000 women applied and awards were given out around Mother's Day. Good news - Project Working Mom 2 has just been announced, offering another $2 million in scholarships. The deadline is August 31. Find details at projectworkingmom.com. Hurry.

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