CAREERS NOW 05-18-08

When Lips Say 'yes' but Eyes Say ' No'

DEAR JOYCE: I used to think I was pretty good at gauging people. I'm no longer so sure about that. Now in my early 40s, I began to have doubts in my mid 30's when my boss smiled and told me I was at the top of his promotion list. Six months later, someone else was promoted.

Then word began to get back to me that a trusted coworker who said she agreed with my project proposal went behind my back to the boss and tore it apart.

Now the company has been sold and I am looking for a new job. As I left a job interview last week I thought everything went extremely well and the two interviewers said "You'll hear from us soon." I sure did. In four days I received a form rejection letter signed by an administrative assistant. When will I learn not to believe hook, line and sinker everything people tell me? - M.U.M.

The ability to see through facades and bridge the truth between what bosses, coworkers, clients, vendors and hiring professionals say to you and what they actually think is obviously a huge professional advantage. Until now very little research-based information has been available to help you hone the ability to interpret truth-revealing body language on the job.

That's changed with publication of the most interesting book I've seen this year: "The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work," (Berrett-Koehler/BK Business) by Carol Kinsey Goman. Dr. Goman, who is president of Kinsey Consulting Services in Berkeley, Calif., combines the latest discoveries in a half-dozen academic fields with her 25 years as a consultant and therapist to offer a clear understanding of what we and the people we work with are saying without speaking.

Here are excerpts of several of Dr. Goman's observations that address your experiences.

Deciphering managers. "A fake smile is the most common expression used to mask other emotions ... Your boss may say that you'll be considered for a promotion, but if she's leaning back with crossed arms and a forced smile, she's sending the opposite message."

"One way to tell if an expression is genuine is to notice if it is symmetrical. Fake or forced expressions often create an 'unmatched face,' whereby the same expression appears on both sides of the face but is more pronounced on one side... (Research studies) find that expressions that last a long time - between five and 10 seconds - are probably false. An expression of true emotion is much shorter."

Interpreting coworkers. "Deception signals seen in adults include fingers casually covering or touching the mouth (possibly disguised as a fake cough or used to conceal a yawn) or a hand headed for the mouth, hesitating at the last moment, and then barely grazing a lip or rubbing the nose instead.

"People who are lying may also touch their nose because the rush of adrenaline opens the capillaries and it itches. Watch closely and you'll notice that when someone is about to lie or make an outrageous statement, he'll often unconsciously rub his nose."

Interpreting hiring professionals. "Liars tend to avoid eye contact unless they are very brazen or well rehearsed - in which case liars may actually overcompensate (to 'prove' that they are not lying) by making too much eye contact and holding it too long. With this exception, the tendency is for people to avoid direct eye contract when lying and, conversely, look with full focus when telling the truth or feeling offended by a false accusation. When people are dishonest or holding back information, they typically meet our gaze less than one-third of the time.

"But people also decrease or avoid eye contact when they are discussing something intimate or difficult, when they are not interested in the other person's reactions, when they don't like the other person, when they are insecure or shy, and when they are ashamed, embarrassed, depressed or sad."

Going way beyond the body language books of the late 20th Century, Dr. Goman's "The Nonverbal Advantage" adds a new dimension of researched understanding as to how humans give silent clues with eyes, hands, posture and even feet. It's good to know how to read other people - and how they are reading you.

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